Jokes                                                 Lutonfc.com's Luton Town FC Jokes

Here are many Luton Town jokes for your pleasure.  Enjoy!  ;-)

A W*****d player is visiting a school.  In one class, he asks the children, "Can anyone give me an example of a     tragedy?"
One boy stands up and says, "an aeroplane blows up, killing all the passengers."
No, says Mooney, that would be a great loss...
A girl stands up and says, "a bus plows into a car, killing the occupants."
No, Mooney says, shaking his head, "that would be an accident.  What, can no-one give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, a little boy stands up and says "a plane carrying a W*****d player explodes."
"Yes, and can you tell us why?"
"Well, says the boy, it wouldn't be an accident and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss."

Q: Why do W*****d fans plant potatoes round the edge of Vicarage Road?
    A: So they have SOMETHING to lift at the end of the season.

Q: What is the difference between a man with no tongue and a W*****d fan?
    A: The man with no tongue has better taste.

Q: How can you tell when W*****d are losing?
    A: It's five past three.

There was this group of people on a tour-bus.  The guide on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, whereupon a man got up and said that he could tell a W*****d joke.
Suddenly a bloke in the back of the bus said, "No, don't do that.  I'm a W*****d fan."
The guide looked at him and said, "That's okay. We'll explain it to you afterwards."

Two boys are playing football in the park when one of them is attacked by a rottweiler.  Thinking quickly, his friend rips a plank of wood from a fence, forces it into the dog's collar and twists it, breaking the dog's neck.  All the while, a newspaper reporter who was taking a stroll through the park is watching. He rushes over, introduces himself and takes out his pad and pencil to start his story for the next edition.  He writes, "Stevenage Borough fan saves friend from vicious animal."  The boy interrupts: "But I'm not a Borough fan."  The reporter starts again: "Barnet fan saves friend from horrific attack."  The boy interrupts again: "I'm not a Barnet fan either."  The reporter asks: "Who do you support, then?" "W*****d," replies the boy.  So the reporter starts again: "Hornet b*****d kills family pet"

A man is watching W*****d from his usual seat but for some reason sat next to him this week is a man with a dog.  W*****d are playing really badly on this particular day but every time they get possession the dog starts to bark with encouragement.  In the 85th minute they get their first corner of the game and the dog goes absolutely mental. "Why does your dog do that?" asks the first man. "I don't know, he's a W*****d fan, it's just what he's like" replies the owner.  "So what does he do when they score?" he asks.  "Well I don't really know, I've only had him a year....."

A Stevenage Borough fan, a Luton fan and a W*****d fan are walking through the countryside when they see a sheep stuck in a gate.
Stevenage Borough fan: "God, I wish it was Kelly Brook."
Luton fan: "No, I wish it was Denise Van Outen."
W*****d fan: "I wish it was dark."

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.  Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them.  In the distance a voice shouts out "W*****d are good enough to win the European Cup."  Snow White says, "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

The Fire brigade phones Graham Taylor in the early hours of Sunday morning...
"Mr Taylor sir, Vicarage Road is on fire!"
"The cups man! Save the cups!" cries Taylor.
"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."

Apparently, Graham Taylor offered to send the W*****d squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.

A man desperate at W*****d's current situation decides to top himself.
In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself.  At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full W*****d kit as his last statement.
A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the W*****d kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why.
The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."

Graham Taylor is curious how Luton play such good passing football, so he decides on a visit to Kenilworth Road to see how Ricky Hill coaches his team.  After one day he is not really impressed by the training practices, so he asks Hill how he gets his players so sharp.  "Well it is simple.  I sometimes ask my players a difficult question, and that way they stay really sharp mentally".  Of course Taylor wants an example, so Hill asks Spring to come over to the sidelines.  He asks: "Matthew, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son.  Who is he?" "That is not difficult", Springy answers immediately, "Of course that is me". "You see? That's the way you keep them sharp", Hill says to Taylor.  Taylor, who wants to play this great passing football also, decides to bring this into W*****d's practice the next day.  He calls Tommy Mooney over to the sidelines.  "Tommy, I have a question for you", he says, "He is not your brother, but still he is your father's son, who is he?" "My God, Coach', is Mooney's reply, "That is a tough one to answer, can I sleep on that one night, and why do you ask me these questions?" Taylor explains it has to do with some continental coaching trick and agrees with the one night postponement.  So that night Mooney decides to call Nordin Poofter.  He has played on the continent, maybe he knows something about these continental coaching methods. "Nordin, maybe you know the answer to this question, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?" "That is easy, that is me!', says Nordin Poofter.  So the next day Tommy walks full of confidence to Taylor.  Taylor asks: "Tommy, do you know the answer to my question now?". "Yes it was actually very easy", he says, "Is it Nordin Poofter?" Taylor answers: "No of course not you stupid b*****d.  It's Matthew Spring."

A W*****d scout returns from Bosnia raving about a new teenage superstar he's seen in the war torn country.  Graham Taylor is convinced and is so desperate for no one else to snatch him up that he signs the boy without looking at him for himself.  The boy arrives in W*****d for Saturday's game, and is on the bench.  With ten minutes to go Tommy Mooney gets injured and is stretchered off.  Taylor points to the new Bosnian boy: "This is your big chance, son.  Go out there and do the business for us."  The lad strips off his shell suit and takes to the pitch.  In those dying minutes he's a revelation, scoring a hat-trick.  The crowd goes mad.  After the game Taylor gives the new boy a big hug in the changing room.  "Great performance son.  Go and give your parents a ring at home. They'll be so proud of you. You can use the phone in my office". The lad goes into the boss's office and rings his mum.  "Mum, I've just had the best debut; I scored a hat-trick!...you don't sound very happy though; why are you crying? Is everything okay?" "No, son, today has been the worst yet. Your dad has been shot, they've raped your sister, and the house has been burnt to the ground."  "God, mum, that's terrible; I'm really sorry"  "So you should be.  It was your idea for all of us to move to W*****d."

A source inside Camelot, the lottery people, has revealed that a man from W*****d was a recent winner in the nation's favourite weekly gamble.  The lucky chap was delighted to announce that he had spent his winnings on a new player for his beloved W*****d.
"If my three numbers come up and win me a tenner again," he added, "I'll gladly buy them another!"

Graham Taylor was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping.
He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" to which the old lady replied, "No way - you got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"

Two guys take a wrong turn off the M1, and unfortunately lose their bearings completely, but don't come across any road signs to give them a clue as to where they are.  They're just beginning to lose hope of finding out where they are when one of them has a bright idea.... He sticks his arm out of the window as they're travelling along, and a few seconds later pulls it back in.
He turns to his friend and says, "We're in W*****d, mate".
"How do you know"? Replies his friend
"I've just had my watch nicked."

A W*****d fan and a Luton fan are walking along the street outside, and suddenly the Luton fan says "Ooh, look at that dead bird!" The W*****d fan looks skywards and says "Where?"

Two shipwrecked Luton fans are walking along the beach of a desert island one day.
One fan says to the other, "I see W*****d lost again."
Amazed at his friend's cognizance, the other Luton fan asks, "How do you know that?"
To which the first fan replies, "It's Saturday."

Last year, my aged Great Aunt, who is more than a bit senile, gave me a W*****d season ticket for Christmas.  Not wanting it, I took it down to W*****d, and nailed it to the gates.  A couple of weeks later, I had a change of heart, and decided that it was stupid to give something as valuable as that to any old stranger, so I went to retrieve the prized item.  When I returned, however, it was too late.
Someone had nicked the nail.

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?  They had pictures of W*****d Players on them...
People couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

A W*****d supporter goes to his doctor to find out what's wrong with him.
"Your problem is you're fat, "says the doctor.
"I'd like a second opinion" responds the man.
"OK, you're ugly too" replies the doctor.

Four surgeons are having a coffee break.  The first one says "I like operating on accountants best because everything inside is numbered."
The second one says "Nah, I like librarians.  Everything inside them is always in alphabetical order."
Third one says "Electricians, they're the best.  Everything in them is colour coded."
The fourth one says "I prefer W*****d fans.  They're gutless, heartless, spineless, and their heads and backsides are interchangeable."

A man goes into Heathrow Airport and eventually goes into the departure lounge waiting for his flight home to be called. All around him there are overturned tables, upturned chairs, smashed windows, flight monitors broken and crowd control barriers lying on the floor.
"Christ, what's happened here?" he asks one of the ground crew.
"Oh yeah", he replies "Bloody hopeless .... we had the W*****d players in here this morning filming the new Nike ad."